shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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