Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
