Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
