Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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