is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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