I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize