I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
