i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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