Umm I'm too high to move.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
