It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
