how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
