Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
