i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
