why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
