I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Send help, water and tortillas.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
