Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
