I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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