when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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