I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize