last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
