Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
