I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
