Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
