I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
