dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
