I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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