Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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