All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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