bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
