I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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