he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
