After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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