Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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