Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
