Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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