saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize