I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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