Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize