People in love make me want to vomit
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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