Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
