Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
