just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
