I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
