i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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