at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
