saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
