Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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