How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
