She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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