and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
