this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize