If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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