I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
