So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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