just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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