you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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