i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
