my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
