i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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