Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
