at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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