Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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