before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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