Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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