Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
