I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They are going to name an STD after you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
