she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
