The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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