he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
