Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
