Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
