I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize