I am puke
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize