I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
