based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He better not be in your backpack
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
