WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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