I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize