I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The power of my boobs compel you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
