Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
