she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
