My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
