i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
