his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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