Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
