Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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