So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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